generally

you know when i've listened to pop music i have, in the past gotten really annoyed. but something happened recently to up my appreciation for the here and now. there was a song that wasn't my favorite on the onset, and then i heard it covered! and boy, did it come alive! i thought, "something is wrong with me," and i set out to fix it! i decided to do the same - find a cover and make it something painfully current. so after a short search, i found the newest new. i chose a song by alicia keys and this was the start to something bizarre in my insides! as i begin to learn her lyric, and find my feel, i found myself somewhere else - somewhere i never thought i'd be - i was in alicia's shoes, i was feeling her! and wow, do i ever have room to grow!

seeing this change in me and feeling this new world, makes me, to quote my friend alison, " realize that i don't know much about life in general." im so happy for the expansion of a mind. i'm so happy for growth, in any form. my aversion to the latest pop music has only done one thing - put me out of touch with the world i'm living in. i was so far left i needed a compass to get back to center. a. keys - you, the guiding light, thank you.

here's a youtube vid of my latest find

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XRrcpWXJiU&feature=rec-LGOUT-exp_fresh+div-1r-2-HM

if i were thinking about forever with you, we'd start with my favorite poem.. ever!

love song: i and thou

by alan dugan

Nothing is plumb, level or square:
the studs are bowed, the joists
are shaky by nature, no piece fits
any other piece without a gap
or pinch, and bent nails
dance all over the surfacing
like maggots. By Christ
I am no carpenter. I built
the roof for myself, the walls
for myself, the floors
for myself, and got
hung up in it myself. I
danced with a purple thumb
at this house-warming, drunk
with my prime whiskey: rage.
Oh I spat rage's nails
into the frame-up of my work:
It held. It settled plumb.
level, solid, square and true
for that one great moment. Then
it screamed and went on through,
skewing as wrong the other way.
God damned it. This is hell,
but I planned it I sawed it
I nailed it and I
will live in it until it kills me.
I can nail my left palm
to the left-hand cross-piece but
I can't do everything myself.
I need a hand to nail the right,
a help, a love, a you, a wife.

a guy on a plane

i often set a double standard in the way i forgive myself and judge others and its one of my many faults, but sometimes that foible pays dividends with in a kind of tempered guided clarity. for instance i'm bold. i was born bold. there is nothing keeping me from being it. no gut check, no ought to feeling towards remorse, no deep seated revelation siding with the want to not be. i just move forward. the instant you think you are dead.

i was on the plane yesterday from italy. we were landing, and a man i couldn't see in the next cabin stood up while the planes wheels were touching down. the stewardess said, sit down! sir sit down. please sir sit down and continued like this as the plane sped down the runway to a quickly paced taxi. in that moment i stood, as the stewardess in my cabin was becoming incredibly uneasy. i touched her stomach gently and pushed her delicately aside and walked into the next cabin where the man was beginning to push his way out to the isle. people were in awe, scared, shocked, and deathfully silent. i pointed from behind the man and in my operatic voice with metropolitan triple forte i said, "sit down!" the man turned, and conceded with his hands up like i might shoot. i would have.

please let me say this as gently as i can. "do not disregard the words of small authority, from a female you may or may not respect. someone bigger than you is watching and he just might kick your ass.